There is a song by Cher, “If I Could Turn Back Time.” Only the government can do that. Don't forget to set your clocks back today. Cleo's birthday is Thursday. Between arm strength and her taser, I no longer spank her on the blessed day.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween; come on, Turkey Day. Speaking of turkeys, our legislators still haven't done their job. Because they cannot agree on anything like adults, they are robbing the rainy-day fund, going to hurt the poor and downtrodden with more cuts, and are passing bills they were afraid to pass in regular session. Here's a plan. Why don't the legislators host a Thanksgiving dinner statewide for all the folks that won't have any meals or joy because of the budget cuts! I bet none of these elected folks miss a meal because of budget cuts.

Well, how did your water bill turn out? I have heard horror stories and others that “just” went up $10-15. This is the first in a series of ways to keep your water bill to a minimum: When you go visit a friend or family member, carry a large purse/backpack with some clean clothes and bath soap. Excuse yourself to go to the restroom. Take a shower, and when you are done bury the towel in the dirty clothes hamper. By becoming a social butterfly three to four times a week, you will be clean, get an occasional free meal, save dishwashing water and untold gallons of water from your bill. Oh, yes, if anyone asks why you take so long in the bathroom, tell them you have the trots and you just cannot hurry these things! More to come, as it were.

When I wrote about the free food from Kohlrus Real Estate, it was in anticipation of a good meal. Hot dogs and chips aren't bad food, but the chili was special. Thanks again to the free food folks everywhere.

Three men get to the pearly gates together. St Peter asks the first one what he did on earth.

“I was a Baptist preacher,” he says. “I did lots of good works, and saved a lot of souls,” and was an asset to Heaven.

“Sit down over there, please,” replies St Peter.

When questioned, the second man says he was a Methodist preacher and had saved many souls while ministering to the old and young. Sit over there with the Baptist preacher.

The third man is bent over, wearing a hat with oil on it like he had just finished changing oil.

“What did you do on Earth, sir?”

“I was a truck driver for 40 years,” is the reply.

“Come right in,” says St. Peter.

The two preachers rush over and demand to know why he was placed ahead of them.

“Easy,” says St. Peter. “This man scared the 'hell' out of more people than you both saved together!”