Alva Review-Courier -

• Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

• If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

• I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

• The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

• There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.

• What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

• Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock.

• An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

• If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.