Alva Review-Courier -

Many moons ago, in the year 6bb (before Becky), I was a young, strong, good-looking boy of 17 – since I’m writing this column, and no witnesses have come forward to refute my assessment, we’ll just accept the above description as fact and move along. As a student at North Mesquite High School (Stomp ‘em Stallions!), I was surrounded by young, strong, good-looking girls of roughly the same age – this assessment is not subject to question, as these girls were all Texans and all Texas girls are, by definition, good-looking. However, as it turns out, not many were receptive to my charm.

I’ve alway...