Alva Review-Courier -

My sister used to be an avid collector of autographs from musical performers. In her teenage years, Sandy (a/k/a “Sis”) used to be very good at being first in line for signatures after a thrilling (to her) operatic performance. (I never did make any claims relative to her sanity as reflected by her musical tastes.)

Being children born to a private piano teacher and church organist, my brother, my sister, and I were exposed to musical selections that included primarily classical and Broadway pieces. Not hardly the usual listening practice of typical American teenagers.

But as mentioned, Sandy at one time tried to collect as many autographs from “high browed” musical performers as possible. However, not long after becoming a teenager, her zeal for collecting such signatures significantly cooled ... and eventually ended altogether. I think it must have happened after the time she had targeted several members of a cast of the opera, “Carmen.” After the performance, she especially had trouble in getting into line to meet a broad shouldered tenor soloist.

She finally located him in his dressing room, only to discover that during the show he had kept his ultra thin waist line in place with a straight-laced girdle. And that without it, his unrestricted midsection was given to spread out considerably. Sandy didn’t show much interest in collecting celebrity signatures after that.

But if I can once more return to the subject of golf at the Colonial tournament, it is possible to offer one more example of just how creative autograph hounds can be. On the practice tee, pro golfer Curtis Strange (by my best efforts at recall) had just finished his warm up, and entered his golf cart, thus signaling what should have been the end of requests for autographs. (This episode occurred before he won his two U. S. Open Tournaments.)

HOWEVER – hard and fast rules don’t seem to apply to some people. As Curtis and his caddie had only backed the cart back a few feet, an attractive woman stood up from the people seated around her near the top of the natural amphitheater, and called out, “Curtis, can I please have your autograph?” The cart immediately screeched to a stop, and the large crowd became so quiet that you could have heard the proverbial pin drop.

Curtis appeared flustered for a moment or two, and briefly took a peek up at the hundreds of people to where she stood, beaming, with a look of total innocence. “Come on down, but hurry,” the pro golfer said, and motioned towards himself, to the would be Polly Anna. “Oh thank you so much,” said the woman, and began pushing her way quickly down the slope, with the crowd moving aside ahead of her to accommodate her way to the golfer.

When the lady fan reached the cart, Curtis took her program, and quickly signed it. As soon as he returned it to the woman, she held it to her breast, gracefully completed a pirouette, and appeared to swoon deeply. The crowd had just barely begun a smattering of applause and laughter, when a loud male voice called out from the point of her origin, “Hey Curtis, I’ll give you a thousand dollars to take her off my hands.”

Now the place became deathly quiet, and Curtis quickly leaned far out of the cart to get a really good look at the person who had made the unusual offer. After not seeing anyone standing following several moments of scanning his audience, Curtis called out to the crowd, “Wouldn’t you’d know that someone would make such an offer when I can’t tell where he is.”

Then from the top of the incline, a lone figure slowly began to rise. He raised his right hand, and coyly began wiggling his fingers at the woman. Curtis remained immobile, while the woman placed one hand (containing the autographed paper) in front of her face, and wiggled the fingers of the other hand back at the man. After a second or two, Curtis called out, “I think you two must know each other. And I’ve got a date with a golf tournament.” Then Curtis and cart quickly headed off toward the first tee, to a healthy round of applause from the crowd.

Incidentally, I recommend adding this autograph collection method to your repertoire ONLY if you think fast on your feet.